It all started out so easy. When you believe one thing, you sort of stick with it, if you get what I mean. The problem that goes with this is that you can start to see your own lies as truth. It never lasts. Eventually someone will come around and make you realise how wrong you actually are, you will start to see how you had mistaken this lie for the truth, and see how deep the hole that comes with it actually is. I realised it long ago, but it’s hard to accept. You start to hate yourself, start to lie, fib and lie some more. You feel it is unfair that you have been stuck in this position. Let me tell you something now that nothings fair, and most of all life is never fair, but you have to make use of it while you can. I have never made use of it – not in this situation anyway. I can’t even say it. I try and speak, but the words that I’m meaning to say will not come out of my mouth. It’s like they refuse to come out, keeping them locked in. I understand why though, I have realised how much I wouldn’t want that humiliation, not for myself, after all I’ve done to fight against it. I hate myself. I hate who I am, I hate how I look, and I hate everything about me. It’s just not fair how people find it so easy to get along with life, when every day starts with a battle for me to get the courage to get out of bed.
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